What is Divorce Counseling
Most long-term relationships are currently ending in a divorce. What most people tend to ignore is the results of a long-term commitment to a person. Divorces are known to trigger different emotions, ranging from anxiety, anger, and grief.
What Does Divorce Counseling Mean?
Part of the overall human life entails either marriage or divorce. While marriage can be completing, divorce can prove to be destructive. What makes divorce even more complicated is the sheer thought of children, neighbors, and pets involved in the disarray.
The current statistics on marriage indicate that over half of marriages today end in divorce. Furthermore, over 30% of relationships end in a break-up after committing. The first years are when a couple thinks of starting a family. The process can be stressful for a person as it is known to bring about different emotions. You must note that it stands to change your life forever. What complicates divorce further is the complicated legal process and logistics involved. It is reminiscent of starting a new life.
The only good news that the couple can cling on is the light at the end of the tunnel. It is where consulting a divorce counselor comes in handy. The counsel offers emotional support to make it through this normal phase.
How Does a Divorce Counselor Help?
Divorce ties down one’s life. It is bound to affect your children and public life. Sometimes one may feel overwhelmed to move on. Seeking counsel help acts as a guide in ushering in your new life.
The counsel sessions unpack essential tools to cope with the new life phase. Furthermore, the counsel guides you on knowing where the love hit the rocks. You become better prepared with your emotional outbursts with the counseling sessions.
What Does Marriage Counseling Mean?
The primary goal of a marriage counselor is to guide a marriage that is on the rocks. One-way expert steps to achieve this goal is by improving the communication between married couples. The goal is for each individual to learn to understand the other. Furthermore, the expert will teach skills to uphold in case of rampant arguments. The couple is better equipped to solve family disputes before they blow up.
The experts are trained professionals who help in tackling issues that affect a relationship. The expert can teach you how to solve various problems faced by the couple. Some common issues that experts help in the marriage include:
- Low sex drive;
- Parenting troubles.
Sometimes the counselor helps the couple see whether their relationship is healthy. The couple may know that staying in the relationship could only ruin both of them. It is where the thought of divorce comes in.
Breaking Down Pre-Divorce Counseling
A divorce counselor works on improving your relationship by working on your communication. Furthermore, the divorce counselor looks into various ways to approach a divorce to ensure each aspect is fully catered for. The divorce expert brings up the conversation of divorce. A couple can decide whether their marriage is repairable or a divorce settlement is best.
One common trait that defines the divorce proceedings is disrespect, blame game, or abuses around the couple. Sometimes things can get out of hand when children are involved. It is wise to consider the peace needed by the children. It would help if you gave your children a peaceful and civil divorce transition. Therefore, other parties should be willing to have civil conversations during the divorce proceedings.
Pre-divorce counseling intends to assist in teaching couples with the post-divorce issues for parents that come up. The divorce counselor can help teach various strategies to help the children transition well during the divorce. Furthermore, they suggest a technique that helps your child go through traumatic life experiences.
If a couple has any post-divorce emotions bottled up, the counselor will help settle them out. The divorce expert steps in to offer coping techniques for the couple to get through the stressful transition brought about by divorce.
Breaking Down Post-Divorce Counseling
Even when you make a personal decision to choose divorce as an option, you cannot deny the aftershocks of the event in your life. Divorce is known to trigger various emotions in a partner. The post-divorce lockdown life can prove very difficult to cope with at first. The truth is that the uncertainty in your future might be too much too bear than the thought of staying in an unhealthy relationship.
The significant advantage of seeking help from a counselor is taking control of the situation. The counselor can prescribe various techniques to help you cope with the current situation. Furthermore, the counselor can boost your overall confidence while heading into your new life. You get to accept the truth relating to your divorce.
You can seek help from the counselor to battle what you feel might still hold you back from your loved one. The sessions are free and open in a safe environment where you can release all your emotions. You eliminate every thought that keeps you tied down.
A significant challenge most couples married for a long time encounter after a divorce is finding themselves. Most people end up losing their identity while in marriage. The counselor will help in ensuring you get back in touch with your old self. You claim a new identity while embracing a new life that you will be leading.
When to Seek Divorce Counseling?
It would help if you prepared yourself through emotional phases that accompany the divorce proceedings. Do not assume you have handled all on your own. It is wise to admit that you need outside help. It would help if you went through an emotional rollercoaster for healing purposes. You should be open to going through the physical changes that come along with the process.
Seeking help from a counselor is a recommended self-care tip for many married couples. The stressful moments might take a toll on you. It can happen to be challenging when you have a toddler in the mix. It is where you need to seek emotional support from counselors. It is important to be prepared physically and emotionally before engaging with your child.
Is Divorce Counseling Essential?
It depends. Different divorce proceedings have different effects on people. Some mutual divorce might not bear repercussions on one’s self. However, the other case might trigger various emotions. The indicator of whether these triggered signs are hampering your life states the need for divorce counseling. Various symptoms indicate a partner needs professional help. Here is a list of symptoms that call for professional help:
- Sleep insomnia;
- Increase in anger episodes and self-pity;
- Feelings of loneliness and unhappiness;
- Weight gain or loss;
- Chronic depression;
- Bouts of rage;
- Suicidal tendencies;
- Social isolation;
- Loss of interest in daily activities.
Emotional Steps of Divorce
One life phase that likens to divorce is death. Even though it is specifically for everyone, divorce is not. However, if you find yourself at the end of a divorce case, it likens to a mourning stage. Death elicits a rollercoaster of emotions before making a full recovery. It is the same as divorce, only that it has its unique phases. While traversing through this liminal space, a counselor acts as a guiding light. The help of a counselor shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You feel that it is normal to go through this phase. You become better prepared to handle your divorce and still resume your life even post-divorce. Here is a breakdown of common stages of divorce:
The first symptom of partners in the denial phase is when they fail to acknowledge that the divorce proceedings are taking a toll on their lives. The victims pretend like nothing is happening and proceed with their everyday lives. The victims believe that by ignoring how they feel, it will only fade away. The emotions become numb so that they cannot feel it.
Pain and Uncertainty Stage
When the effects of denial wear off, one settles into the second stage of pain and unknown in your future. The stage is marked with a reality setting in the victim. The stage is common for victims who feel the urge to start mourning their marriage’s failing state. The most affected victims are those who did not start the divorce in the first place. The victims will feel rejected and hurt. The uncertainty in their futures makes it familiar for people to suffer from depression and anxiety.
A common characteristic of this stage is when one victim feels the need to blame other people over the state of their marriage. The victim clutches at straws at different people who they believe played a part in their divorce. The ex is the first victim of the blame as the person develops negative feelings about them. The anger is spread to other people outside of the home, including friends, family members, children, co-workers, and strangers.
A common fact that the victim cannot bring themselves to accept is that there is no one responsible for their divorce. Blame forms part of the healing process after a divorce. It only gets out of hand when you start to feel the anger getting the better part of yourself.
If things get out of control, you will feel the need to call for counselor’s services. The counselor can help in forming coping strategies to prevent becoming a victim of anger. You become able to maintain a bond with your child, friends, and family. It becomes possible to handle your divorce healthily.
When one person tries to salvage their marriage by correcting earlier mistakes that constituted the divorce, the stage is marked by salvaging their union. The victim insists on trying to win over their loved one. You will go through a rollercoaster of regrets. It is full of fake promises with the attempts of regaining the old flames back. The other person relives their old moments together. It is a major characteristic that goes on to show how to handle such related pain.
The phase starts when one individual blames themselves for the state of the divorce. The person attempts to recall all the shortcomings and mistakes explicitly made during their time together. The loss agitates the other party into thinking that things would have been different in their marriage. The couple believes that if they put in the efforts, their marriage could still be going strong.
Guilty consciousness can lead to depression. Depression is a common trait in each step of the emotional stages in a divorce. A person tends to portray signs of laziness in carrying out their daily activities. The person will feel less motivated to carry on with their lives. Furthermore, the person can lose their appetite and feel fatigued all day. This persistence with these behaviors can irritate other people around them.
If the person keeps up with this destructive pattern, it can pave the way for a deeper depression level. Depression is a natural process when coping with a divorce. However, sticking with this phase for a while can result in numerous psychological impacts. It is why consulting with a counselor to sort out your issues is essential. A counselor is better suited to help you in sorting your emotions.
It means you are almost nearing recovery. A sign that the person has gone through the motions is their willingness to move forward. It is common to experience loss and sadness. However, there is a sense of peace that one party realizes. The serenity becomes a closure with their marriage. It becomes easier for the person to rejoin the world as a new being.
How Can Consulting a Divorce Counselor Help Me?
The counseling sessions play a significant part in mending broken bonds. It gives the individual a chance to go through the motions. It means you put yourself in a vulnerable position for a support system to help you back up.
It would help if you never went through these phases alone. Your child, friends, and co-workers should form a support system while going through this recovery process.
The stage calls for a high form of support only a counselor can provide. Such a support framework you can receive includes:
- Go through multiple stages in the divorce;
- Identify how to handle painful emotions;
- Provide a support system that incorporates friends and family;
- Understand troubles in your situation and what you need to improve in your future relationship.
Approaches for Divorce Counseling
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT is a common technique used in divorce counseling proceedings to address the emotions. The sessions help in addressing beliefs that end up affecting their actions. The therapy sessions help to address your actions deeply.
The CBT sessions help establish negative behavioral patterns that play an integral role in a person’s behaviors. Once a counselor singles out these negative thoughts, they can work on changing them. Having a clear clue of your negative behaviors and how it influences your life’s various scenarios can transform them into a holistic view.
Other Related Therapies
A counselor might recommend alternative therapies that go hand in hand with the CBT sessions. The treatments help in forming bettering coping strategies for your sadness and loss. They include using music, relaxing, mindfulness techniques, and yoga.
What Coping Strategies Should I Adopt Now?
Before signing up for the divorce proceedings, you can try different strategies to keep yourself in check. Below are some recommendations you can try to keep your anxieties and stress at bay. It is vital to go through the full circle of grieving stages for better outcomes:
- Regular exercises;
- Healthy sleep routine;
- Taking part in mind cultivating and relaxing activities;
- Bonding with your children, friends, and family;
- Showing gratitude for the meaningful relationships you have.
How Do I Find My Preferred Divorce Counselor?
It is vital to note that time is the perfect healer, so you should pose some time for recovery. Go through all the emotions that lead to the healing process. When you need added support during this time, you can try an online mental help platform that offers top counseling services. You can search for added information that helps with your case.
When searching for a divorce counselor, it is essential to search for addressing your specific needs. It is essential to consider your child going through the healing process. Feel free to schedule an appointment with a child counselor to help them cope and address the changes that come with the divorce.